Hi, my name is Grace
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” Proverbs 1:7
Father, grow a fear of reverence and understanding in me of who you are. Who am I talking to right now? Do I realize who you are in the slightest?
God.
The creator of heaven, earth and hell.
Who chooses death or life for each person yet grants then free will to choose.
Savior.
Omnipresent in everything.
All things are held together by you, to the very molecule.
You hold the oceans in jars. You spoke the world into motion.
Your universe has no known end.
Your love is unending, infinite.
You are infinite.
You are there, everywhere, forever and created me to be forever; all people – heaven bound and hell bound.
You are just. The Judge. You judge me and my actions fair. Holy. Without fault.
If not for you I would be hell bound…Hell. Death. Scared. Anxious. Pain. Thirsty. No point. Unloved. But above all, hell bound and out of your presence. Void. Empty.
It’s real. People are on their way there. People I know. Both heaven and hell. Why don’t we understand? Why don’t I understand my sin births death (James 1:15) and I don’t care because I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what death really is?
I’m a thief of your grace. I am free and forgiven but I take it without thanks or realization. I use it to justify my sin that has consequences.I desire you to teach me the consequences, God, but I am so afraid of what they are – that they would take people away from me or that they would rip my future hopes away. This very well could happen. And it would still be your goodness and grace. It is above the just punishment I deserve – death – for such actions I do against you or my apathy toward you.
It’s still amazing grace and that’s what I’m scared of… that those things that would hurt me so much if taken away still fit under that category. I wish they would be unjust and unfair to be taken away from me so that if they were I could blame God for going against his justice and promise and care for me. So that it could be his fault.
But that’s not the reality.
Reality is that it would be amazing grace for God to take away so much, for him to allow me to be hurt so deeply, for my life to be shattered so sharply. Because it is be worth it and those things are “garbage” in the light of Christ. –“Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8 –
This is terrifying.
That is the reality for all people — that it is God’s justice and right to take away and allow pain or sorrow and to bring us to our knees because Christ alone is such a gift of grace. But what causes many of us to deny God is just in this pain is coping with the reality. It is far easier to deny it and have God to blame for everything bad happening and to walk away from him because he seems unjust. We can’t cope with the fact that it is OUR fault. OUR sin that brought us to that place where we need saving from sin’s payment – death.
We positioned ourselves in that place of death by our choice to sin and God came through SO magnificently that we owe him everything. SO thoroughly that the whole of our lives are his. SO faithfully that we cannot deny his justice. And that is what brings us to our position to receive grace.Our condition brings us to our position. To not assume that position is death. Anything we choose but Jesus or over Jesus is death. He asks us for all who we are; to trade our lives – our filthy rag for his white robe and our trash heap for his throne and our pile of bones for the worth of royalty.
Our position then is grace.
And it is terrifying. Hard to cope with.
That God could take it all away, everything I hold as mine, everything I hope and dream, everything I have right now and for that to still. STILL. Be amazing grace, a gift, an act of love…is…
It’s what causes me to deny that something may be wrong or that my sin may not be that bad or that my actions aren’t really sin or that I’m not technically clinging to something as an idol, that it’s just the way I am… it’s what causes me to deny that my condition is as bad as it seems. It’s what casues me to not face reality and live in a dreamy la la land where everything seems fine and lovely but it’s really being built and eventually barely standing on a shattering foundation.
WAKE UP TO REALITY.
It really IS that bad. That actually IS sin and sin as comparable to the worst you have done. You ARE clinging to an idol and one that is fake, deadly and decaying and cannot be covered with “perfume” or “paint”. You actually DON’T deserve any. Repeat. ANY of this.
For God to take away a loved one, break apart your relationship, not allow you to raise support, take your home, take your money, take your job, allow you to fall ill, allow people to insult, hate or criticize you, destroy your reputation, allow you to fail that exam and not get that answer you want … is his grace. And that’s scary. For God to take all that away is his grace. And that’s amazing.
Because to give you something so scandalously, amazingly, wonderfully, fearfully greater than all of those good things and all that pain is AMAZING. To fill that spot that holds thousands of things with one man and to offer this grace freely to any person who says, “God you are my God, Jesus you are my Savior, Spirit take control,” is unheard of anywhere else, any religion else, or by anyone else.
And that’s the Gospel – Jesus Christ.
That’s my God.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
