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Consuming Anxiety Consumed by Fire
A small light brought to life by the swift motion of a match, crackling logs of warmth on a crisp night, all consuming power sweeping through a forest…fire is gentle yet powerful, a place of safety and of danger depending on what it is consuming. One evening I looked into the flames of the gas fireplace, mesmerized by the way they danced and changed color, licking at logs that never burn up. It felt nice to focus on something and not let the anxious thoughts and worries that had consumed my mind that week take over again. I watched the flames repeat over and over – blue to orange to…
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Why Doesn’t Anyone Understand?
“Why doesn’t anyone understand?” The tears welled up in my eyes as the heart of my anxiety bubbled up into a question. I sat there unable to move and unable to stop the weight of worry growing in my chest. Stemming from the simple realization that we may not have done our taxes correctly the past year(s), the realization flowed quickly into the building anxiety over finances and the repeated questions in my mind of the fearful “what if’s” and “what could’s”. “Why is this such a big deal?” I asked myself. I tried to decipher my feelings and finally did as my heart asked: “Why doesn’t anyone understand? Don’t…
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We Are Crazy.
” Well, three years ago we had an apartment here in the States but were driving all around meeting with people everyday and staying in different places, and then we moved in with my parents before packing our life into a storage unit and moving to Asia, and then we had a place and a routine starting there after a while but came back for the summer and lived again with my parents and tried to meet with more people and figure out how to get a year’s worth of refrigerated injections over to Asia – which worked out just days before we flew back to Asia amidst a lot…
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This is Home?
Looking out my window over the smoggy rows of high-rise after high-rise, my heart felt unsettled. “Why am I here? Is this really home?” I thought. Digging up nostalgic memories from my childhood and scrolling through “country fall” posts (yes, my desperate search) on Pinterest had also not helped this feeling. I have learned this past year living on the 22nd floor of a high-rise in a city of 10+ million people, that a part of me starts to get deeply unsettled in the city. When I was younger I never thought I would have said this, but I adore the country and its slowness. Somedays I feel that…
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Truth Deep
So many times I think I am going to grow outward or expand in more knowledge, new information, more “Aha!” moments in my life, my faith, my relationship with God. These high emotional experiences are like leaves on a tree — growing and expanding outward. These moments, these leaves are beautiful and have purpose, yet, the leaves are not what sustain the tree. The point of the leaves are to grow the roots of the tree deeper, to collect the sunlight and direct the water. These leaves eventually fall away when their purpose is complete. The emotional “Aha!” moment experiences fade away, but the roots remain. They are solid and…
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You and Me
Playful breezes roll off my cheek, They tousle through my hair, Telling of the love we share. Threads of silk free from their web, Cling, instead, unto my arm, Sharing whispers of your charm. Fields of light; harvest they bear, Dazzle, flow, and sway, Pointing me toward your True Way. Lifting my eyes to the above, Behold! A clear blue sky, Raising You, who reign on High!
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A Flower’s Pose
No stack of pancakes or corner of your pillow smells better than a country morning a 5 a.m. Of course, I would not have known this myself had not a certain someone woke me up because he wanted to show me something. I could not fall back to sleep for some reason at 5 a.m. one of these past mornings. As I tiptoed downstairs and glanced out the window, the morning drew me out with its gentle color. The next thing I knew, I was on my bike pedaling down the gravel road. God wanted to show me something. The sun was not quite up yet, but the delicate, pink…
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Ow!
Ow! While reaching in precariously close to the oven’s side, my hand ventured off path and collided with the burning hot metal. Instantly, even faster, the pain registered from finger to brain and back again, making it sear with pain. This is usually not a happy moment at all, and quite frankly was still not at the time, as I shook my finger with a yelp of pain and ran to the cold water at the sink to find relief. Once my focus was drawn away from my finger and the pain, though it still reached for my attention with its pulsing and sting, the wonder hit me. “That was…
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Patient in the Seasons
Fall is one of the most gorgeous times of the year. It’s like the climax of the story. The rising action bursting from spring and displaying itself throughout the summer has finally come to the point of change. And it’s dramatic. Just look around! The colors of the the leaves — who makes colors like that?! –reds, yellows, oranges, browns, purples YES purples… God does! The smells of fall, the sound of crunching leaves, the feel of a crisp mornings and cozy evenings, the tastes of apples and s’mores; hot chocolate and cider. Brilliant. Seasons are amazing, especially in the Midwest. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall — each so distinct and…
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Breathe
breathe in. breathe out. It’s so natural we forget about it, yet such a wonder that we can’t. God is so attentive to us that he breathes life into our lungs continually, over and over, moment after moment each day. What love. 23,040 — the average number of breaths you are given each day. Over 670,00,000 in a lifetime. Talk about a giving Father. Among the many other gifts he gives us each day, we receive these. What generosity. How is it that we can take in air — this invisible substance — into our lungs to fill and expand them? To bring in what our body needs to live.…
